Sunday, January 23, 2011

January 23- Sunday

It is Sunday evening as I write this; our final weekend with Jesse is coming to a close. Painful words to write - but a testament to divine grace that I can write them at all. Many phone calls were made to family and friends as we attempted to coordinate the tasks that must happen this coming week, and simply provide updates. And again, when we let go, the pieces began to fall into place. Everyone seems to have been drawn into the mystery of this event, and the depth with which people have shared their thoughts has made an anxious time a little less so.

Yesterday we invited some friends to a sledding party at our driveway "run". It was a random idea in the morning and by 3Pm we had ten or so moms, dads, and kids (young & old) bouncing down our little hill in the crisp winter air. I met a few more neighbors - now friends, and the children made the most of snow and the chance to romp unmanaged in the house for an hour while the adults shared food and talked about nothing in particular. It was perfect. In a culture that does all it can to create a divide between humans and the natural environment, we were being healed by snow. It created the excuse to gather while providing the edge that reminded us that were are mortal, that the sun will always come up on a new day.

We grow up being told that we have choices, and devote our lives to making what we believe are our choices. Are they really? What choice do we have each day but the choice of how we respond to what happens to us? We make a series of decisions that turn out to our benefit & believe that we did it ourselves, that we are in charge. Of all of the lessons that this experience holds for me, I do hope that I let go of that illusion, for the complexity of the interaction between us all defies such a simplistic model.

If I could choose it, I would choose to have Jesse come into this world on the afternoon of January 26 so that our dear friends and our families can be with us to share what will be the most powerful part of this story with us. What I can choose, is to let this be done as it must happen - and ask God to again give me the strength to let go.

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