Just a few pictures of Jesse's Memorial Service at Sells Park
February 26, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since Jesse's Birth Day. I must think of him a hundred times a day-some thought are of total love and awe, while some are full of sadness so deep I can't even believe it is MY life-my son.
Last week Dan and I drove to Riverside Hospital in Columbus to bring Jesse home. We woke that morning not knowing how are emotions would hold for the day. As we drove up, we spoke little, we both had so much going through our heads. The last time we had drove to Columbus it was because it was Jesse's Birth Day. And now, it was the day we would be able to bring him home. I was unsure who I would react to seeing a little box with his ashes inside. Dan and I fold so much peace it the task at hand. We left the hospital on January 27th with nothing except our bags and on February 10th we got to take him home. His small box was wrapped in the softest cotton I have felt. I just wanted to hold onto it forever. I somehow found acceptance and some peace knowing that his body was no more, that HE IS INDEED with God in Heaven, that we had our baby Jesse again.
The past 3 weeks have been a blur of activity and of silence. How do you have both in the same moments-I believe it is called grief! When a person losses a child it is like nothing else. It hurts so much differently.
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
2 weeks / 14 days
Two weeks / 14 days....
I ask how could it possible be 14 days since we said hello and good-bye to our son. I thought time was standing still and yet somehow we have managed to survive the past 14 days. It was this time 2 weeks ago we sat in Columbus with Pitocin dripping into my veins waiting for the arrival of our baby. I had no way of knowing what this "side" of the journey would look like or feel like. It is like nothing I have ever experienced! Deep sadness that goes beyond words, as though the only thing keeping you from melting onto the floor in a puddle is the clothes I am wearing. It is all consuming, so powerful, and at times so lonely!
I try to remember me feeling Jesse, smelling him, holding his little fingers to force myself past the sadness and sorrow and remember that he was our son whom we loved and HE LOVED US!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Coming Home
Tomorrow will be two weeks since our son's birth day - today the hospital called to let us know that they have Jesse back and that Hanna & I can come to pick him up to bring him home. We will not have Jesse back home in the way that we thought we would before October 19th, but we will have him home nonetheless.
The journey to Jesse's birth, while exceedingly trying, was a focal point for our energies. That point is now past, and with it, our ability to know where our energies belong. We are grieving. Yes, that odd word that is used to explain what happens to people after a deep loss, now defines our daily journey. The overflow of care and concern that has come to our doorstep is beyond comprehension, because I have yet to comprehend what we have just gone through. Our energy and focus over the passing days rises and falls like ocean waves. This is the part that we could not have prepared for - how could anyone - and now we are on another journey to wherever the "grieving process" takes us.
We know this will pass in time, but do not know when. We know that we will make it through each day, but do not know how. We know that we have probably experienced the most absolute test of faith that a couple must take, but it is so deep that we have barely begun to fathom it. I am beginning to grasp is that the path out of this wilderness will require the same tasks as the journey that brought us here - faith, trust, acceptance.........and letting go.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
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