Coming Home

Tomorrow will be two weeks since our son's birth day - today the hospital called to let us know that they have Jesse back and that Hanna & I can come to pick him up to bring him home. We will not have Jesse back home in the way that we thought we would before October 19th, but we will have him home nonetheless.

The journey to Jesse's birth, while exceedingly trying, was a focal point for our energies. That point is now past, and with it, our ability to know where our energies belong. We are grieving. Yes, that odd word that is used to explain what happens to people after a deep loss, now defines our daily journey. The overflow of care and concern that has come to our doorstep is beyond comprehension, because I have yet to comprehend what we have just gone through. Our energy and focus over the passing days rises and falls like ocean waves. This is the part that we could not have prepared for - how could anyone - and now we are on another journey to wherever the "grieving process" takes us.

We know this will pass in time, but do not know when. We know that we will make it through each day, but do not know how. We know that we have probably experienced the most absolute test of faith that a couple must take, but it is so deep that we have barely begun to fathom it. I am beginning to grasp is that the path out of this wilderness will require the same tasks as the journey that brought us here - faith, trust, acceptance.........and letting go.