December 21st 2010

We wanted to create this little spot to share with our family and friends about our 3rd son, Jesse.

It might be best to start at the beginning and work our selves to today. There are so many things to share.

Dan and I first found out we were pregnant in June of this year. He was away teaching an Outdoor Recreation Class with SUNY Cortland in the Adirondacks so the kids and I prepared to tell him when he got home-on Father's Day. It only seemed appropriate to tell him the news on his special day.

The kids and I made him a special little present filled with all kids of goodies while one little package contained the words "pregnant". Dan was surprised and delighted.

We spent the next 3 months doing the normal early pregnancy things...talking, sleeping, getting ready to extend our arms to a third child, while being sick and itchy all the while trying to find the perfect OB care. Our old OB Doctor retired and no one was filling his place, we did not feel comfortable with the local options at the time, so Dan and I took a leap of faith and sought care with a certified nurse- midwife. A choice we will never regret!

On October 6th, we scheduled our 20 week ultrasound. It was not the first time we got to see our little person (as I had 2 previous ultrasounds to determine number and dates). BUT this time would prove to change our lives forever.

During our ultrasound, the technician was happily moving along doing her routine measuring and talking when her tone began to change and Dan and I realized she must be seeing something that took more of her attention. This was true!

As she measured our little babies arms and legs his measurement were not correlating with my due date.

A RED FLAG!

She quickly left the room, got an OB doc, and returned with a referral order for a Level II ultrasound at Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus. Dan and I left the room confused, hopeful that nothing was wrong (except modern technology), and the thought of "where is our mid-wife?".

2 Days later we traveled to Columbus with Myles and Garrett in tow to have our Level II ultrasound. Still expecting news that nothing was really wrong and his limbs would grow and he would be fine!

We were wrong!

After 1 1/2 hours of scanning and poking ...we heard from the Perinatologist the words that would become our vocabulary "skeletal dysplasia".

We left Columbus with a heavy heart, but still very optimistic that our little baby would be born fine. We did not understand or know or could possible absorb all he told us at that time. We still felt confused, mis-guided, and needed help from someone. We also left knowing the little baby I was carrying and giving life to was a little boy. Our third son. Jesse

We turned to our certified nurse-midwife for information and hope.

We sat down with her on November 2nd to read our ultrasound reports. It was there in black and white "extreme micormelia", "bowing of a least one femur", "chest circumference less than the 2.5 percentile", "may be Campomelic Dysplasia", "fatal".

Our world was changing with each word we read.

Our next ultrasound on November 19th would confirm our babies condition. After more pictures where taken we were able to "meet" Baby Jesse for the first time through our generous ultrasound technician and the power of 3D and 4D ultrasound.

He is an angel. His face is so perfect. He is exactly as he is ment to be ...short limbs...little chest...Jesse is exactly as he is supose to be! He is our angel!

Over the next few weeks, Dan and I struggle as we know the potential fate of our 3rd son. How do you wake up each day, how do we take care of Garrett and Myles, how do we explain to family, to friends, to strangers? The questions come at us so fast and there are so many that don't have answers.

And now to bring us to December.

On December 20th we had another check-up and ultrasound in Columbus. We also meet with a few other people while we were there....we walked the Labor and Delivery Unit and we met with the Hospital Chaplain.

We will be delivering in Columbus at a time that is still unknown. Jesse's head is growing much to quickly while his body is not growing at all. My belly grows each day due to an increased amount of amniotic fluid. I am at a much greater risk of pre-term labor, yet no one can tell us when.

There are many questions that remain: natural or induced labor? why did this happen to Jesse? How do we move forward?

But there is comfort. We believe that Jesse is a special blessing. He is exactly as God intended. He is not a mistake. He is not a "oops". He is perfect. His life has meaning-just as ALL lives have meaning. His life may be very very short, but we are committed to honoring him in every way we can. He is a part of our family and will forever remain our 3rd son, our angel.